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FINE

If you know me (and let’s be real, since you’re reading this, you do), you know how anti-blog I am.

Then why in the H-E-double hockey sticks are you starting one?

Good question. Without waxing too personal and too spiritual and too self-important . . . I have no idea. But don’t you fret, Monsieur Marius; it will be private.

So let’s start with a blog classic and explain the title: “Total Zoobie.”


When I started my sojourn at BYU, I was decidedly NOT a zoobie. And I really wasn’t. I didn’t want to get married or have kids, I didn’t like cooking, I thought anyone who dated for less than a year was a piteous fool, and I wanted my riches and ambition to keep me warm at night.

But BYU got me, you guys. It got me hard.

ZOOBIE CHECKLIST:

1. Get married young – working on it
2. Desire to get married young – check
3. Want kids – check
4. Want a lot of kids – check
5. Want a lot of kids NOW – check
6. Believe in love at first sight (or rather, love in two months) – check. Marius and Cosette forever!!
7. Want nothing more than to drop out of school and have a family – check
8. Want nothing more than to drop out of school and cook all the time – check
9. Work on-campus – triple check
10. Go to all ward functions – check
11. Bake for the people you visit teach – check
12. Bake for your FHE group – check
13. Attend all or most BYU sporting events – NO WAY.


Also, here are the definitions from Urban Dictionary. They are hilarious.

“Zoobie”

“1. A term used in Utah, mainly Utah Valley, to describe the excited bunch of mormons that go to BYU and egnage in excessive social activities. It’s very common usage here.

2. Arabic for penis.

3. A follower or believer of the zwuenbenkante faith. a new, but deciated faith, the followers are easily definable by their outrageously good looks and amazing intelligence.

4. AN UNIDENTIFIABLE RODENT-LIKE CREATURE THAT RESEMBLES A NEUTRA AND A GROUNDHOG 

PRONOUNCED LIKE (WOOKIE – FROM STAR WARS)

YOU CAN ALL SOMEONE THAT AND REALLY BAFFLE THEM – YOU’RE A ZOOBIE!!!”


The person who wrote #4 was pretty excited. Those of you not ready for an abrupt topic change can stop reading here. You’ve been warned.

So I’m a makeup supervisor on Holiday, a play at BYU. I spend every evening there, so I’ve become friends with the actors and actresses, naturally. Because I’m friendly and charming and charismatic like that. One of the actresses, Michael (yes, her name is Michael) is pretty darn funny. Tonight she and a couple other girls were giving me flak for the use of the acronym NCMO. Angela claims that NCMOs don’t even exist . . . All right . . . 

Anywhozen, Michael was complaining about people using acronyms as words around here (COW [crush of the week] also annoys her). But then she said that if she made one up it would be okay. So we made one up and it’s going to be hot, my friends, so you might want to jump on the bandwagon while it’s still hipster. Here it is:

GMRY

It’s pronounced gim-ree, or like Gimli with an Asian accent. It stands for “getting married really young.” You can use it to describe someone who is really doing this thing like, Anna is gimry. Or you can use it to describe someone who wants it to happen to them like, Shelbey is gimry.

You’re welcome.

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