Remember me? I exist.
Sooo I always tell people I’m fluent in French. Which has recently been true. But what I should probably say is that I was at one very recent point in my life fluent in French, but because the past two semesters of **CoLlEgE** have made me more stupid than I ever have been, my French has suffered.
I can still hold a conversation and string sentences together, so calm down. And I’ll study up for the OPI (some fancy language certificate test) in June and I’ll be fluent again, don’t you fret.
But in the meantime, here is an English translation of my presentation of a news article today:
(DISCLOSURE: I forgot I was doing this until .2 seconds beforehand, had only read two paragraphs of the article, and I have allergies so my brain is functioning at minimum capacity. A perfect storm of idiocy, you could say.)
“I am in the process of writing a dissertation about abortion for my other French class, so abortion is a subject very important to me right now. So. Umm…. I…. Recently, the CDC–the Center for Disease Control–how do you say that in French? [Professor says French title.] Yeah. That. So the CDC issued a report about abortions that said one in five births to adolescents are repeated births.”
And this is where it really starts to go awry, because that is all the information I had gleaned from the article. But even at this point, my class is staring at me like I’m an idiot.
“So… yeah. We need to teach better methods of contraception. .. …. Uh… Oh, and the numbers are the highest among American Indians and Hispanics…in America. So we need to teach better methods of contraception…in schools…with groups…poor and diverse… Forty….Ninety….Ninety-one percent of girls don’t use contraception after one birth… I don’t know why… the end.”
And then my kind teacher made it sound like I’d said something intelligent by picking up a discussion about abortion in France.
Vive la France!